The days since I last wrote are a blur. Hours seem like minutes, minutes like seconds and I am somewhere in the midst of the whirlwind, desperately trying to "keep calm and carry on"
My boys have played their last inning of high school baseball. I was not sad, because for them the game continues in college. The caps and gowns are quietly hanging until Thursday, in two days. Two days until graduation, two days until another milestone is behind me.
Cancer is still in my daily vocabulary. Two new spots on the last pet scan, both not candidates for radiation. I sometimes find my mind wandering, visualizing cancer just slowly invading my Mom’s body, her bones. I sometimes wish my mind was like an etch a sketch, a few blinks and the picture is gone..
In the midst of all of this I find the most solace within myself. I suspect there is a deeper meaning to this but for now I am OK not understanding why I am the way I am.
Looking very forward to summer evenings, sitting on the porch swing, smelling fresh cut grass, ice cold watermelon and rest.