I love you, you know that I do.
Cancer has been an uninvited but intimate member of our family for 17 months now.
Each day the sun rises I subconsciously slip on my "strong girl" cloak.
There have been moments, hours even days in these seventeen months where I felt the cloak was choking me.
In those moments I wilt inside myself if you don’t appear to be choking then who can say you were.
Right now I can’t force myself to wilt
I needed, just for a minute to feel your strength, to be comforted.
But it was not to be, you are not the same. The disease, the medicines, they are to blame
So just for now the cloak is off
strong is vulnerable
positive is angry
and silence is tears
I miss you Mom, the old "not sick" you
Tomorrow I will again don my "strong girl" cloak and continue the battle
I just needed a moment to breathe and cry.xoxo