Annabella

dear mom

Dear Mom

I love you, you know that I do.

Cancer has been an uninvited but intimate member of our family for 17 months now. 

Each day the sun rises I subconsciously slip on my "strong girl" cloak.

There have been moments, hours even days in these seventeen months where I felt the cloak was choking me.

In those moments I wilt inside myself if you don’t appear to be choking then who can say you were.

Right now I can’t force myself to wilt

I needed, just for a minute to feel your strength, to be comforted.

But it was not to be, you are not the same. The disease, the medicines, they are to blame

So just for now the cloak is off

strong is vulnerable

positive is angry

and silence is tears

I miss you Mom, the old "not sick" you

Tomorrow I will again don my "strong girl" cloak and continue the battle

I just needed a moment to breathe and cry.

xoxo

That thing we do

Dear Nanny

Oh you would have so enjoyed today. We were all together, the sun shining, a beautiful Easter Sunday. The traditional Hardestys ham, deviled eggs and strawberry shortcake on the table.

We did your favorite thing, like we always do.

The cups were filled with magic. The aroma of vinegar strong. The same simple wire egg dipper on the table. All those years of spending Easter with you made an impression on Dava and I. Even the years we weren’t necessarily excited about your favorite thing we did, out of love and respect. I know you were there in spirit, smiling, loving that we still do this thing we always did. But now we do it with hearts full of loving memories of Easter Sundays long ago.

I miss you Nanny.

xoxo

anna